Frank’s Implantable Trasnsponder Chip

I’m chatting with a friend about Implantable Transponder Chips, it’s just another Sunday afternoon and I stopped in mid sentence thinking of the word transponder. “Hey that sounds familiar. I seem to remember reading something about the transponders being turned off somewhere. It was that switch those sneaky terrorists found on 9-11. NORAD was up shit creek as George W. Bush read a book on feral goats.”

But what is the purpose of an Implantable Transponder Chip for humans? Why do they tell us we’ll need one in the bright future? Oh for fuck sake maybe grandpa is lost in the woods again. He’s got distemper. We don’t know what he might do. We’ll have to put a chip on his forehead just to keep track.

Do you think grandpa will have that secret on/off switch too? Just in case all hell breaks loose and he needs the switch for some reason when he’s lost in the woods? Let’s say he’s not really lost he just wants to turn the switch off for a goof. Maybe he wants to play a prank on the front desk girl at the Sunnydale Rest Home. Maybe the doctor who implanted it on his skull told him about the switch, “Remember Frank. If things get really crazy you can always shut the transponder off. If you’re ever lost and you don’t want to be found just flip this switch right here on the taint. It’s in a secret place between the scrotum and butthole. Taint balls, taint ass. Get it? Well anyway no one should ever find it.”

Here’s a possible scenario. Frank is lost in the woods unprotected. He’s rolling around smacking into trees. Sunnydale Rest Home needs to keep track. It’s total chaos. Anything can happen. Let’s say a group of Boy Scouts find Frank naked and screaming in a patch of poison ivy. Let’s say hypothetically the Scout Master is a pedophile. Let’s also say, just for the sake of argument that the Scout Master tells the troop to beat and fuck Frank until he’s dead and they’ll all get a Gang Rape Merit Badge. The PowerReachTM5G transponder module in Frank’s forehead is capable of transmitting data up to distances of 320 kilometers. The front desk at Sunnydale has an array of tracking equipment. They know the exact location of every patient. But the Scout Master knows where Frank’s secret switch is. An hour and fifty minutes creep by and Frank is raped repeatedly by a troop of adolescent Boy Scouts.

How did the Scout Master know about the secret switch? Why would the doctor implant a Transponder Chip in Frank’s forehead with an on/off control on his taint? We know the Transponder is there for a reason. It’s for emergencies. Anything can happen in the woods. Sunnydale needs to know where Frank is at all times. Somehow he gets lost on the radar screen. Do they send out a nurse? Call the police? Form a search party? Fuck no. It just so happens, Frank was raped during a routine exercise. The staff at Sunnydale were coincidentally herding everyone out the door for the rape crisis awareness drill Virginal Guardian. No one saw what was happening until it was too late.

The Scout Master gives a long patriotic speech about honor and silence during a time of tragedy. Frank’s corpse is buried by the troop in a shallow grave and later dug up by wolves and torn to pieces. This is just a hypothetical situation. The important point I want to make is that the PowerReachTM5G transponder module is designed for total security but also includes a simple on/off mode option.

Or here’s another scenario. Sunnydale might want to keep track of Frank’s family. Let’s say there are all kinds of people coming and going through the Sunnydale Rest Home security perimeter. Things can get crazy. People drop off presents and flowers. They visit at all hours of the day. You never know how long to stay. Old people can die at any time. Maybe the family might want to know of Frank’s impending death while they’re out buying flowers. Or Sunnydale might want to know where Frank’s family is just in case they forgot the copay.

How can Sunnydale convince all the families to come on board with the PowerReachTM5G transponder module? This may sound crazy, but what if Sunnydale could stage an event somehow, say another Virginal Guardian test. Frank may or may not be in on it. The doctor may have told him about it or it was stuck somewhere in the appendix on page 378 of the PowerReachTM5G transponder instruction manual. PowerReach will clearly inform all customers of article 66934vs2r17.

“In the event of (0) / 2 + (k=1..) (a(k) cos kx + b(k) the customer will agree to 1/PI f(x) kx dx 9838453 any test Sunnydale Rest Home may decide to exercise during a routine Dn(t) dt Sn(x) = 1/PI ? f(x+t) Dn(t) dt Dn(x) = Dirichlet kernel = to advance said customer support relations 1/2 + cos x + cos 2x + cos nx = [ sin(n + 1/2)x ] / [ 2sin(x/2) ] under article 66934vs2r17 of the PowerReachTM5G transponder instruction manual limf(t) cos kt dt = lim(k->)f(t) sin kt dt = 0 A(0) a Scout Master may fuck your ass [ A(k) cos (k(PI)x / m) + B(k) (sin k(PI)x / m) so we can test our radar system or start a war with ] a(k) = 1/m f(x) any other Rest Home we want which may or may not have supplies we need (k(PI)x / m) dx xk+1 = (xk + y / (xk)n-1) if you agree to these terms and conditions it really doesn’t matter 21/3 = 1.259921049894 B = 0.61357421875 We’ll do what we want whenever we want anyway 29 = 0.7098625 * 23 exp = 9 – 3 = 6 yi+1 = yi + (xn/2)(a – yi2) ax2 + 2bx + c = 0 x2/r2 = 1+ 2/r2 = -130 = 0”

Basically what this means is Frank’s part of the Sunnydale Rest Home “test” or what we could describe as the PowerReachTM5G transponder Venereal Grandfather exercise. Since PowerReach virtually owns Sunnydale and can shut the electricity off with one key stroke we’ll just call it the PowerReach Frank is Fucked Guardian Test Thing Whatever. We can call it what we want. The point is Sunnydale needs to keep track. So they stage a spectacular event. They hire a few Scout Masters to beat and fuck Frank in the woods until he’s unconscious. The family was told all about the significance of the Transponder Chip. But somehow the on/off switch got activated and the family wants to know why. That’s where PowerReach comes in. They sing a few Sunnydale songs, print up some bumper stickers so we never forget and the CEO reminds people of what can happen in the woods. The family gets a heartfelt apology from the PowerReach PR firm on the mistakes that were made and the shareholders have agreed that the PowerReach TM5G transponder module will now support a new failproof re-designed on/off mode option.

1 comment
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